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Author Topic: Anonymous Facebook Status Thingies  (Read 244489 times)
oball
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« Reply #820 on: October 26, 2011, 10:59 pm »

Report him to the Secret Service for a laugh.
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drunkpiano
Je m'appelle
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Hurry up, Tommy, before zee Germans get here.


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« Reply #821 on: October 27, 2011, 08:01 am »

Quote
A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said:

'Doctor, I have a serious p......roblem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 year old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together.'

So the doctor said: 'Ok and what do you want me to do?'

She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.'

The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.'

She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.

Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.'

The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child!'

'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.'

The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point.

He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same!

If you agree, please SHARE.

Together we can help save precious lives!

Love says, 'I sacrifice myself for the good of the other person.' Abortion says, 'I sacrifice the other person for the good of myself.'

Looks like this facebook friendship just got...
aborted.

YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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CatAstrophe
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« Reply #822 on: October 27, 2011, 11:41 am »

I had a friend who posted that earlier this week. Even some of her religious conservative friends were like "well that's not exactly the point..."
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fermun   haha, if killing babies offends you, this may not be the show for you
CatAstrophe
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« Reply #823 on: October 27, 2011, 12:11 pm »

As requested in IRC, the complete works by the gentleman I previous posted:

Quote
I love my cat very much.
She loves the feeling of my touch.
My cat love's to play.
I trust she wont run away.
She likes her tall tower.
Most cats hate having a shower.
My cat loves her treats.
She will hiss at anyone she meets.
But she is a great cat.
She is awake at night like a bat.
My cat love's her pink bed.
But she sleeps on her tower instead.

Quote
I am watching the chaos in Libya.
It's like a broken tibia.
It hurts to see the dead.
Some were shot in the head.
They want to kill the dictator.
But he stays put like a alligator.
We call them rebels.
Who are in trouble.
We should not get involved.
The problem will be solved.
Maybe we should over see the progress.
Instead of causing a mess.

Quote
Dear Mr. President Obama,
Stop being like a Parrana.
What's wrong with the Health Care?
Do You even care?
Or are you a dictator in dispair
Where's our troops now?!!!
should they step down or
Continue the Plow?
Where's your right hand man,
Who does'nt take a stand.
You know , don't mess with Joe.
Who just will go with the flow.
We don't trust Iran Will you bomb them like Japan?
Or stay quit like a mouse in Americas White House.
If you like the economy
Then get a labotomy!!!!!
America still has the Liberty Bell,
So why don't you just go to HELL!!!!

Quote
‎"The angels"

Imagine angels flying by when your dying.
You look around you, and the sky was different colors
as if someone was tie dying.

You feel really amazed!!!
It's like your in a daze.

You realize your not dead yet.
You want to tell people about the angels you met.

The doctors bring you back to life.
The doctors tell you, that was a tough fight.

Was this a beautiful dream?
I felt like I was balancing on a beam.
This really was a dream!!!!

And his communism rant that he posted on his poetry page
Quote
[Poet]We should open our eyes and ears to what is happening to this country. People are electing a president that is bringing this country down to Communism. He isn't a Socialist he is a Communist!!!!!!!!!

[Someone who I wouldn't expect to be this rational, but thinks the election is this year for some reason]I would not say "down" to Communism. It is another form of government like Capitalism. I obviously prefer Capitalism but each is entitled to their own ideals. As long as 51% of the voting public pick a form of government, then that is the trend for the future. fortunately we have had a taste of Socializing policy and Americans are rejecting it. I believe this will be proven come the first Tuesday of November 2011.

[Poet]Why the first of tuesday of november

[Poet]IT IS IMPORTANT THAT U TAKE A STAND. IT IS YOUR DUTY I COMMAND U TO PERSUADE THE MAJORITY WITH PRECISE LOGIC THAT THEY MUST DECIDE AGAINST COMMUNISM WHICH THEY DO NOT KNOW HAS BEEN PLAGUING AND RAVAGING THE SHORES OF FREEDOM. IF U LEAVE TO THE UBINITIATED, THOSE DEPRIVED OF HISTORICAL FACTS THEN U ARE NOT DOING YOUR ARDUOUS TASK OF CONVINCING THE POPULACE THAT THEY MUST ACTIVELY ADVANCE THE IDEAS OF CENTURIE3S TESTED SYSTEM THAT WORKED UNTIL THE COMMIES FOUND A CHINK IN THAT ARMOR CIRCA 2008. IT IS YOUR DUTY I COMMAND U TO RID THE EARTH OF THE EVIL GANG THAT IS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR 230+ YEARS OF SUCCESSFUL ENGAGEMENT IN ALL ASPECTS HUMAN EXISTENCE THE COMMIES DEEDUCATION OF THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY MUST BE REVERSED NOW..BECAUSE TOO MANY AND THAT MIGHT BE 51% OF US CLOSED THEIR EYES AND ALLOWED THEMSEVES TO PRESCRIBED WITH THE LEAFY SUBSTANCE OF CANNIBAS SATIVAS WE FIND OURSELVES HAVING TO STRUGGLE TO RESTORE OUR ENVIABLE TRADITIONAL SYSTEM

[Poet]AND SO I SAY ALL OF U WORK WITH EVERY FIBER OF YOUR BEING TO DEO AS I COMMAND THAT THE COMMIES MUST BE DEFEATED NOW. BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE U MUST ACT.,!!!!!!!!!! I PAUSE FOR A REPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
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fermun   haha, if killing babies offends you, this may not be the show for you
codespyder
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hurr???


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« Reply #824 on: October 27, 2011, 12:14 pm »

This is the work of a lyrical genius. What else can you use to describe someone who can rhyme "economy" with "labotomy"?
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drunkpiano
Je m'appelle
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« Reply #825 on: October 27, 2011, 12:57 pm »

Quote
IT IS IMPORTANT THAT U TAKE A STAND. IT IS YOUR DUTY I COMMAND U TO PERSUADE THE MAJORITY WITH PRECISE LOGIC THAT THEY MUST DECIDE AGAINST COMMUNISM WHICH THEY DO NOT KNOW HAS BEEN PLAGUING AND RAVAGING THE SHORES OF FREEDOM. IF U LEAVE TO THE UBINITIATED, THOSE DEPRIVED OF HISTORICAL FACTS THEN U ARE NOT DOING YOUR ARDUOUS TASK OF CONVINCING THE POPULACE THAT THEY MUST ACTIVELY ADVANCE THE IDEAS OF CENTURIE3S TESTED SYSTEM THAT WORKED UNTIL THE COMMIES FOUND A CHINK IN THAT ARMOR CIRCA 2008. IT IS YOUR DUTY I COMMAND U TO RID THE EARTH OF THE EVIL GANG THAT IS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR 230+ YEARS OF SUCCESSFUL ENGAGEMENT IN ALL ASPECTS HUMAN EXISTENCE THE COMMIES DEEDUCATION OF THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY MUST BE REVERSED NOW..BECAUSE TOO MANY AND THAT MIGHT BE 51% OF US CLOSED THEIR EYES AND ALLOWED THEMSEVES TO PRESCRIBED WITH THE LEAFY SUBSTANCE OF CANNIBAS SATIVAS WE FIND OURSELVES HAVING TO STRUGGLE TO RESTORE OUR ENVIABLE TRADITIONAL SYSTEM

With a little editing, this part could actually become a decent poem.
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Illiterati
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« Reply #826 on: October 27, 2011, 06:08 pm »

As much as I enjoy reading all his crazy, this person has looks like he has some serious mental issues and should see a doctor. Cat, tell him to see a doctor. I COMMAND U TO PERSUADE HIM
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DiegoInglewood
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« Reply #827 on: October 27, 2011, 06:15 pm »

i had a class with this dude in high school. he was this really quiet, kinda nerdy black kid. nice dude. then i guess he moved to atlanta and i don't know what happened:

im the type who pull up bust and ride on

ol dumazz bitch...ol punkazz bitch.... ol slowazz bitch...ol stupiDazz bitch....ol crustyazz bitch. BITCH!!!!!!!!

my nex tattoo go b my son name

i see im on sumbdys mind at 1 sumn in da mornin. Txtin me talkn shyt but ima ignore it n let my suh deal wit u

im bout to turn my life around b4 i end up dead or lockd up. I wanna see my kidz grow up n be better den me. #trueshyt

Watz wrong wit our generation today...smh
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BondFiction is right

17:59   Illiterati   a diaper with holes defeats the purpose of wearing a diaper in the first place, but a man's gotta fuck
Remington Lonespear
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« Reply #828 on: October 27, 2011, 06:47 pm »

That reminds me of someone I knew.  He was a nerdy kid I went to middle school with--he's the kid who introduced me to Magic: The Gathering and anime.  He also used to trace girls from Gen 13 comics but draw nipples on them instead of their clothes, and kids would pass them around cause they were like the closest thing we could get to real porn.  This was in the 6th grade, I think; I moved about a year after we met.

I caught up with him on Myspace/AIM/ICQ or something long after I had moved, when I was 19 or so and he talked like a gangsta, had a sleeve of tattoos on his right arm, animated weed GIFs all over his profile, and described him and his two best friends as "da biggest pimps in all of Fairmont" (a small Minnesota town with all of 10,000 people to its name).  His profile was written almost entirely like the post above, and my chat conversation with him was super awkward as he described his car to me in vivid detail, in that same manner of typing.

I haven't talked to him since.
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[18:30] <JonasSalk> lee was bring nerds together forever
Citizen Snips
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« Reply #829 on: October 27, 2011, 07:53 pm »

That man? That man... is now a stockbroker.
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oball
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« Reply #830 on: October 27, 2011, 08:27 pm »

[My British cousin]
ENGLISH DEFENCE LEAGUE
SAT OCT 29th 2011 PROTEST in BIRMINGHAM!!!!
For more info visit englishdefenceleague.org



Ugh.
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HyperGlavin
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« Reply #831 on: October 27, 2011, 08:37 pm »

They're the ones that are basically a pseudo-political front for skinheads, right? I remember the Aussie version of the protests being hilariously drowned out by a counter-protest.
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Yes, come on, get a dog up you, you rapscallion.
jimbob
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« Reply #832 on: October 28, 2011, 04:42 pm »

I've got the impression they're mostly football hooligans who aren't allowed to travel to games anymore. Racism's cheaper than watching football anyway.

They mostly try to start fights with British Asians.
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Matt
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« Reply #833 on: October 28, 2011, 08:24 pm »

[friend of a girl I used to work with]A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

You now have two choices. Like this photo and move on with your life
OR
Share this photo on your wall as a tribute to all the women in your life.


The photo in question is of alleged child murderer Casey Anthony.
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Fiction
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« Reply #834 on: October 28, 2011, 09:05 pm »

send help

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oball
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« Reply #835 on: October 30, 2011, 09:07 pm »

[My younger brother] Starts his rural psych term tomorrow... this pretty much makes me a Frontier Psychiatrist.
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« Reply #836 on: October 31, 2011, 12:05 am »

What does that mean?
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HyperGlavin
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« Reply #837 on: October 31, 2011, 01:55 am »

That boy needs therapy.
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Yes, come on, get a dog up you, you rapscallion.
oball
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« Reply #838 on: October 31, 2011, 03:58 am »

Actually, I'm pretty sure it means he'll be giving therapy.
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HyperGlavin
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« Reply #839 on: October 31, 2011, 09:58 am »

The Melbourne Cup is soon upon us...

[friend of a friend] wat horse to back well you no phar lap not him because his dead
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Yes, come on, get a dog up you, you rapscallion.
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