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Author Topic: ...And The Squeeze-bottle You Rode In In! (Or, Homemade condiments)  (Read 947 times)
norumaru
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« on: July 09, 2010, 12:17 pm »

I guess this will ruin any stab I might have had at attaining American citizenship ever, but I'll fess up, as I can't keep it hidden forever:

I fucking hate Ketchup.

And Mustard. And Mayo. Urrgh.

I am also pretty disappointed with most hot sauces. I love spicy food, but most of these sauces are either just hot without any other taste (vicious vampire, blair's etc.) or not even really hot without any other taste either (looking at you, Tabasco, you taste like the place vinegar goes to die, you overhyped fuck).

So I started to make my own condiments. Here's one I totally did not just copy & paste from the thread where I got the idea for this one:

Noru's Bastard Chutney

1 1/2 cups apple juice
3-4 tbsp peanut butter
chili pepper to taste, preferrably fresh, enough to make it spicy
1 dash of soy sauce
1 small dash of vinegar
half or 1/3rd of a starfruit

In a small pot or saucepan, bring the juice to a boil. Add the finely chopped starfruit and the spices. Simmer until the fruit chunks are all but dissolved, add the peanut butter. Use chunky or creamy according to your taste; this will give your sauce its texture, so don't add it all at once, but stir and dissolve it after every spoonful to see how much more you will want.
You can substitute a lot of different fruit for the starfruit, from mango via sour apples all the way to lime, orange and lemon (equal parts) or grapefruit. I love the starfruit version because it really is an under-appreciated fruit.
Pineapple is really good, too.

And two more random ones:

Noru's Hot Sauce

1/2 bell pepper, red
1 small tomato, red
at least 2 fresh chilies, preferably more, depending on hotness of chilies and individual taste
~1 cm ginger root
1 nice dash of balsamico (or other tasty vinegar)
1 dash of soy sauce
1 - 2 teaspoons honey (soft, to taste)

Put the bell pepper skin side up in the oven until the skin comes loose. In the meantime, skin the tomato (put it in hot water for a minute and it peels easily). Remove the skin from the pepper and cut the pepper and tomato into small pieces. Finely chop the chilies and ginger. Do not throw away the chili seeds, they have lots of hot goodness.
Heat a bit of frying oil in a saucepan or small pot. put in the peppers (both) and tomato. They should dissolve while frying; if they don't, they're mutated and you can save your sauce by adding a bit of water that they can cook in.
When they are nice and dissolved, add the rest of the ingredients and let the whole shebang simmer for another 20 minutes. Should turn out pretty thick, much like the aforementioned ketchup.

Lime-pepper relish

1 lime
2 or 3 wedges of orange
lotsa chili peppers - as usual, to taste

Spoon the pulp out of the lime. Remove as much of the white fibers and skin and stuff from the orange as you can. Put both in a clean kitchen towel (the cloth variety) and wring the better part of the juice from it (keep it for making drinks or chutneys or burning someone's eyes out). It shouldn't be completely bereft of juice, two nice squeezes should suffice. Put this into a blender, add the chili peppers and blend. Blend, I tell you!
This should be a pretty hot, very thick paste. It's intended to be used somewhat like wasabi and should have about the same texture. Great for barbecued meats.

I keep the upper ones in jars in the fridge, they keep for 2 or 3 weeks at least. If you're planning to make a bigger batch to stockpile, you can pour some oil on top of the hot sauce and it will keep forever. I haven't tried this with the fruit sauce. Or you can just fill them into sterilized jars while still really hot, much like making preserves.
The relish I freeze in spoonfuls and defrost on demand.

So, give me your condiments, I guess.
« Last Edit: July 09, 2010, 06:46 pm by Karlski » Logged

Don't discriminate, you retards, racism is gay
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