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September 30, 2014, 12:50 pm

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Author Topic: Rock-fuck basic cooking tips  (Read 10500 times)
barco
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Life is a difficult process


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« Reply #20 on: April 02, 2010, 04:03 pm »

That style of cooking is 'from first principles'
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Karlski
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« Reply #21 on: April 02, 2010, 05:14 pm »

YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A CHEESEBURGER

FUCK YOU I WOULD IF I COULD
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<TDF> Karlski only has one rule
<TDF> And that rule is "get fucked"
fermun
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« Reply #22 on: April 02, 2010, 05:19 pm »

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HyperGlavin
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« Reply #23 on: April 03, 2010, 06:05 am »

Remember, if the cling wrap hasn't melted into your food, then it needs to go back into the microwave.
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[19:13] <%ZachJ> Calvin the Unremarkable
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Schroeder
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Where's the butter? Put butter on what I said!


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« Reply #24 on: April 03, 2010, 09:58 am »

If you are pressed for time, most meats don't necessarily have to be cooked. In culinary science, this is called the Hotdog Postulate. Without getting too technical, what it means is that the more different kinds of meat you combine into one dish, the less it actually has to be cooked. Be careful, though: if you add too many meats, the dish will be overdone and you will have to  start over.
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Nicol• schroeder is to chess as gitro is to tribes
RummyLu
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« Reply #25 on: April 03, 2010, 11:17 am »

Hot dogs are too advanced for the likes of me.
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"I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled out."
Ripper
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« Reply #26 on: April 04, 2010, 07:20 am »

If you don't want to look like an uncultured pleb at your next dinner party, it's wise to learn the difference between the various forms of cutlery, and their uses.



From left to right: Steak knife, tongue depressor, fish spoon, sonic screwdriver, Queen Victoria Jubilee spoon, The Gouger, Ol' Shanky, tea spoon, tea fork, speculum.
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adamsan
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« Reply #27 on: April 04, 2010, 08:16 am »

A watched pot never boils. Always monitor your pot through a mirror to circumvent this problem.
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spaceboy
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brain


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« Reply #28 on: April 04, 2010, 11:11 am »

If the pot has no reflection in the mirror, you are a vampire.
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Hungarian
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Communism fits the bill


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« Reply #29 on: April 04, 2010, 11:20 am »

Be sure to identify the food you are about to cook prior to cooking it. I can't begin to count the number of times I thought I was about to toast some Eggo waffles only to discover they were actually 18th century French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau.

A simple yet costly error.
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« Reply #30 on: April 04, 2010, 11:30 am »

Food is often served on a plate or in a bowl after cooking it, as air is inefficient at best at supporting food's weight.
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RummyLu
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« Reply #31 on: April 04, 2010, 04:30 pm »

In reference to Ripper's advice from before - I like it!

"One for you mister piece of beef, and one for me. Another for you mister piece of beef, and another for me," ad infinitum and comatose on the kitchen floor.
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"I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled out."
Quagmar
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haw haw


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« Reply #32 on: April 04, 2010, 08:49 pm »

Blenders are an essential tool for today's on-the-go lifestyle.  Blend that cheeseburger, fries, and soda into a delicious liquefied meal that is both convenient and portable.
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Driscoll
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« Reply #33 on: April 04, 2010, 10:19 pm »

Never eat anything bigger than your head. Never eat anything that is currently exploding. Never eat nails. Never eat hot pockets.
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Lukeington
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If at first you don't succeed, try power tools.


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« Reply #34 on: April 04, 2010, 10:37 pm »

A whole Watermelon can sustain the average adult for upwards of two weeks.

This is due to it being composed of the liquid 'water' and the food 'melon.'
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Hungarian
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Communism fits the bill


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« Reply #35 on: April 04, 2010, 10:59 pm »

Salt and Mayonnaise have the same chemical properties and are thus interchangeable as ingredients.
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oball
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« Reply #36 on: April 04, 2010, 11:07 pm »

If your oven begins emitting the howling shrieks of eternally damned souls, you may have inadvertantly switched your cookbook with a grimoire of dark and forbidden magicks.
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BUTTS FOR THE BUTT GOD
Ripper
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« Reply #37 on: April 05, 2010, 12:02 am »

In reference to Ripper's advice from before - I like it!

"One for you mister piece of beef, and one for me. Another for you mister piece of beef, and another for me," ad infinitum and comatose on the kitchen floor.

Yeah, basically you just keep marinating yourself and eventually you don't care about the beef anymore.
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Navigator2001Plus
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That's what she said.


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« Reply #38 on: April 05, 2010, 12:21 am »

Don't hit up the drive through like thirty minutes before they close; you'll just get the crap that's been kept warm under a lamp for the past hour.
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<EFHRK> Meanwhiles you two are fingerpoppin' each others assholes
Quagmar
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haw haw


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« Reply #39 on: April 05, 2010, 12:41 am »

The best-tasting beef in the world comes from the MEC Ranch in Texas.  They allow the herd to consume each other, eventually leaving a single steer whose meat is 100 times beefier than the average cow.
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