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Author Topic: The future is now. The future is... Future Corp™  (Read 1674 times)
Richard "Dick" "The Dickman" Dongman, professional dong-man

That's what she said.

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« on: January 31, 2016, 04:24 am »

<Skeletonic> let's startup a new civilization where everyone is isolated in a hermetically sealed socialization pods
<@navigator> so... the matrix, basically
<Skeletonic> no
<Skeletonic> the pods move around and stuff, on tank treads
<@navigator> ooooh
<Skeletonic> no windows though, only external cameras
<@navigator> how do you bone
<cb_> you log into the Bone Zone
<Skeletonic> there's a simulated non-specific orifice/penetrator in the pod
<Skeletonic> it can be operated by BoneLink w/ another pod
<@navigator> so if i thrust into my pod's BoneLink orifice, does that control the motion of the penetrator in the other pod
<Skeletonic> yeah man
<@navigator> noice
<@navigator> how do you then transfer the jizz to propagate the species
<@navigator> or do you just let humanity die out
<@navigator> cause that's ok with me
<Skeletonic> you have to file a petition with the appropriate bureau and if your procreation is approved a third party will extract jizz from your pod via an external access port
<Skeletonic> the child will be grown in a laboratory and inserted into their own pod once they've reached socialization age
<Skeletonic> this is the future nav
<Skeletonic> and it is bright
<@navigator> how big is the pod
<Skeletonic> big enough
<@navigator> is it like a mech, or is it a small room that you drive around
<Skeletonic> picture R2-D2 but a large male could fit inside comfortable
<Skeletonic> enough back-front space to recline and sit up straight
<@navigator> oh ok. can you get a custom pod that actually looks like r2d2?
<Skeletonic> no
<Skeletonic> no pod customization is permitted.
<@navigator> oh, not even color picking?
<Skeletonic> why do you need a specific color?
<@navigator> i like red
<@navigator> i want red flames on my pod
<Skeletonic> that's just insensitive to red-green colorblind pod occupants
<Skeletonic> all pods will be a standard grey
<@navigator> the r2d2 thing is dumb anyway, disney would never license it
<@navigator> i guess grey will have to do
<@navigator> can you leave the pod to shower, or will cleaning and waste disposal be built in?
<Skeletonic> the latter, obviously.
<@navigator> so, you don't even wear clothes in the pod, i assume
<Skeletonic> twice a day cleansing and regular waste removal at waste removal facilities
<Skeletonic> hell no, full nude all day every day
<%CatAstrophe> I don't like the future
<@navigator> how do you know who is who inside the pods?
<%Ryzhaya> will pets have their own pods
<Skeletonic> they can transmit their ID number
<@navigator> oh, i gotcha
<@navigator> so you just have to memorize the number for each of your friends
<@navigator> simple enough
<Skeletonic> well you can build a friend list
<Skeletonic> you can even assign nicknames as long as you don't transmit them
<@navigator> can i bone the BoneLink orifice even if i'm not actually linked up with anyone
<Skeletonic> hell yeah dude, it has tons of settings too
<%CatAstrophe> How does BoneLink work?
<@navigator> i'm sorry if i'm asking too many questions; i just want to know what i'm getting into here
<Skeletonic> it's okay, it's important you understand the future or you might fear it
<Skeletonic> bonelink is just a simple peer to peer connection of the bonezone software
<Skeletonic> which operates your in-pod orifices and penetrators
<Skeletonic> standard stuff, don't wanna get too technical
<@navigator> do you need to be in close proximity for BoneLink, or does it operate over the internet?
<@navigator> or is there like a physical connection between pods for it to transmit
<Skeletonic> that's up to the users
<Skeletonic> if you feel more intimate connecting your pods do that
<@navigator> ok, so there's multiple options
<Skeletonic> love is love man we here at Future Corp are not trying to stomp out love
<@navigator> how will grocery stores and stuff like that work
<%CatAstrophe> what if I am sexually attracted to my pod?
<Skeletonic> that's fine
<@navigator> do you just drive your pod in, or will there be some kind of new food dispensing units
<Skeletonic> grocery stores? oh no. the pods will feed you all the nutrients you need, water and soylent in the texture of your choice
<@navigator> oh yeah, cat raises a good question
<Skeletonic> your pods soylent and water reserves will be refilled on a regular basis at refill stations
<@navigator> does the pod have any kind of AI
<Skeletonic> i mean your intelligence is fairly artificial
<Skeletonic> so in your case yes
* %CatAstrophe ba-dum-tsh
<Skeletonic> thank you for humoring me cat
<@navigator> movies won't be the same, when every actor is in a pod
<Skeletonic> all movies will be computer generated with artficial likenesses
<@navigator> makes sense
<@navigator> pixar does that anyway
<@navigator> but it'll be weird in a way, movies will have to be set in B.P. times
<@navigator> (before pods)
<Skeletonic> eventually the underground pod movie scene will take over as p.p. kids grow up
<Skeletonic> accepting the pod way as the only way
<@navigator> what if someone hacks their pod and spoofs their id and i'm tricked into boning someone else
<Skeletonic> you won't know so what's the difference
<@navigator> you're going to need amazing security on this thing
<@navigator> i guess
<Skeletonic> are you... are you QUESTIONING the security of a Future Corp pod?
<@navigator> no, i guess not
<@navigator> do you communicate via text or voice chat
<Skeletonic> yes
<@navigator> and are there any internal cameras to broadcast your real face
<@navigator> i assume your yes means both are options
<Gudamor> our beautiful wirehead future
<Skeletonic> your face is not important to the socialization process navigator
<Skeletonic> you'll learn in time
<@navigator> good, cause i'm ugly
<@navigator> people can finally judge me solely on my shitty personality
<%Ryzhaya> there will definitely be a bunch of crude stereotypes based on your serial numbers or something
<Skeletonic> i mean i guess
<Skeletonic> a small price to pay
<@navigator> i wonder who will get S.N. 5318008
<%Ryzhaya> yeah a 548294732 WOULD say that
<%Ryzhaya> amirite ladies
<Skeletonic> you don't know who the ladies are
<Skeletonic> you have to let go of the old world ryzh
<Skeletonic> you're a digital girl in a pod future
<%Ryzhaya> amirite poddy people
<@navigator> they could tell you after you open up PodLink to communicate, though
<Skeletonic> no, all pod voices are modulated
<@navigator> so even if they tell you, they could be lying
<Skeletonic> yeah, so they have no incentive to tell you
<Skeletonic> why would it matter anyway
<@navigator> won't you find out if you are trying to have a baby and they harvest your jizz but the other person has no eggs
<Skeletonic> no
<@navigator> i guess they could just say they don't want a baby though
<Skeletonic> future corp will provide a donor egg in the case of two male pod inhabitants applying for a child
<Skeletonic> there's no discrimination here.
<Skeletonic> any two pod inhabitants can be suitable parents.
<%CatAstrophe> pffft
<%CatAstrophe> I don't think pod inhabitants are fit to be parents
<@navigator> whose sperm do they use
<Skeletonic> it doesn't matter
<@navigator> the guy who claims to be a guy, or the guy claiming to be a woman?
<%Ryzhaya> it's all skel's
<Skeletonic> the dark secret is no one's jizz is used, all "children" are just advanced AI
<Skeletonic> eventually humans die out
<@navigator> I KNEW IT
<@navigator> but i'm ok with it
<@navigator> humans suck
<@navigator> so the AI pods will just be robots, and in their case, the pod will really be their true form
<Skeletonic> yeah, but even the robots don't know if other pods are robots or humans
<@navigator> do the robots even know they're robots
<Skeletonic> only a robot could answer that
<Skeletonic> i decline to answer
<VT> what is your plan for the renegades who try to extract people from their pods to go back to way the life was b.p
<Skeletonic> they will be remote neutralized inside their pods
<Skeletonic> future corp monitors all ingoing and outgoing pod communications
<%CatAstrophe> what if they develop a code
<%CatAstrophe> or are genius hackers
<%Ryzhaya> when you introduced this idea, were you really prepared to discuss ot for a full hour?
<VT> i'm talking "too old for this shit" blue jean, plain white t-shirt wearing bruce willis motherfuckers
<VT> they were never in a pod
<@navigator> well, the people trying to extract others won't be in pods, right?
<Skeletonic> i am prepared to discuss it for 24 hours
<Skeletonic> oh, there won't be any non-pod people. you submit to the pod or you die.
<@navigator> is pod escape impossible then? like, an explosive is triggered if you try to force the entry hatch back open?
<%Ryzhaya> how will we maintain our glorious american tradition of senseless gun deaths in the pods
<VT> are there any oddly specific and easily exploitable weaknesses in the pod-ecosystem that you'll try to hide from renegades
<VT> asking for a friend
<Skeletonic> why must you humans fight this
<Skeletonic> the pods are a paradise
<Skeletonic> a better way. the right way.
<Skeletonic> future corp only has your best interests at heart.
<@navigator> do pods have little computer terminal type things in them where you access all media
<@navigator> oh, and i still want to play video games, do pods accommodate that
<Skeletonic> yes
<Skeletonic> it is encouraged
<%Ryzhaya> what about when you fart in your pod
<%Ryzhaya> how's the ventilation
<Skeletonic> excellent filtration system to cope with the uninhabitable surface of the earth
<Skeletonic> you'd die outside the pod anyway. liberation is death. rejecting the pod is death.
<VT> how often will i need to upgrade my pod
<cb_> are we still talking about pods
<Skeletonic> upgrade? i don't understand
<Skeletonic> are you not satisfied with the functionality of your pod
<VT> what if i want my pod to be faster than other people's pods
<@navigator> will the earth surface actually be made uninhabitable by Future Corp, or is that just a lie that will become commonly accepted a few generations in
<Skeletonic> does it matter
<VT> good point
<VT> what about pod hackers
<Skeletonic> are you doubting the security of the pod
<VT> i...
<VT> no
<VT> i guess not
<Skeletonic> just enjoy your media. socialize. don't worry so much.
<@navigator> i guess it doesn't matter, but i'm just curious
<@navigator> don't worry, i'm pretty sold on the pod concept anyway, i won't spill the beans
<Skeletonic> future corp appreciates your loyalty
<@navigator> now, what happens if a pod is damaged? can i get a new pod?
<@navigator> or is failure to take proper care of your pod a death sentence
<Skeletonic> in the event of catastrophic pod damage that is deemed to be no fault of the pod inhabitant you will relocated to a new pod
<Skeletonic> intentional damage of your pod or another pod due to recklessness will result in termination
<@navigator> i hope some sort of pod retrieval unit can seal over my hatch so i don't get exposed to the earth's atmosphere
<@navigator> i'd get put into a temporary sealed unit until a new pod is ready, right?
<Skeletonic> the process is very technical i don't want to bore you but yes
<@navigator> ok cool
<@navigator> i assume pods that need replacing just due to wear that can no longer be fixed by a repair unit will be handled in the same way?
<Skeletonic> you seem awfully interested in the durability and performance of the pods navigator
<Skeletonic> it's as if you doubt them
<@navigator> oh, jeez, no, i'm sorry as if it came off that way
<Skeletonic> maybe instead of worrying you'd like access to the beta of the latest pod of duty game
<@navigator> i don't think a pod will need to be replaced every year or something and break all the time
<Skeletonic> we at future corp have achieved 9k resolution
<@navigator> but maybe after, like, 50 years?
<@navigator> you know, who knows?
<Skeletonic> future corp knows.
<@navigator> ok, well, i'll leave that to you then, as long as you're assuring me that my pod needs will be taken care of
<@navigator> i trust Future Corp
<Skeletonic> don't worry about it. if there's a maintenance issue, it will be taken care of during your regular waste removal visits.
<Skeletonic> an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! that's the future corp way
<@navigator> i see that
<@navigator> which is why i understand fully when you say you gotta terminate anyone trying to insight revolution and pod escape
<%Ryzhaya> do we get that good sounding soma drug like it that shitty book
<@navigator> oh, good question
<Skeletonic> you can pump yourself silly with hella drugs
<@navigator> what is Future Corp's stance on recreational drugs?
<@navigator> oh, nice
<locnar> Brave New World is shitty?
<locnar> that's a hot take
<%Ryzhaya> brave new world sucks ass locnar
<%Ryzhaya> I'm sorry if that's too real for you
<locnar> it's good to have opinions
<@navigator> so i can just get high as fuck and fuck my BoneLink orifice and play video games all day?
<Skeletonic> what is your stance on the iron maiden album Brave New World
<%Ryzhaya> the interminable didactic ass conversation with the dull jesus/noble savage?
<Skeletonic> yes nav
<%Ryzhaya> just kill me
<@navigator> or will people still work in this future?
<Skeletonic> that is the future that we want to provide
<Skeletonic> future corp will work so that you don't have to!
<Skeletonic> you can take a recreational job if you want. push around a plow with your pod or whatever
<@navigator> i <3 Future Corp
<cb_> are we rp-ing
<locnar> yep
<Skeletonic> at this point yes
<@navigator> no, this is serious
<locnar> nav and skel are playing matrix, ryz is playing a person with horrible taste in literature
<%Ryzhaya> I slowly extend my BoneLink probe towards your quivering Bonelink orifice
<%Ryzhaya> you press the moan button
<@navigator> as skel explained, it's nothing like the matrix
<Skeletonic> i simulate a holographic robe and wizard hat
<locnar> OC DO NOT STEAL
<Skeletonic> if i see a pod people movie in a couple years i'm killing all of you fuckers


<Skeletonic> navigator
<Skeletonic> i need to ask you a serious question
<@navigator> shoot
<Skeletonic> are you excited for Great Detective Pikachu
<@navigator> no
<Skeletonic> but consider this
<Skeletonic> pikachu has a normal human voice over
<@navigator> yeah, i saw, but no
<Skeletonic> well this is where our paths diverge
<Illiterati> *normal human voice but pikachu body* search the perimeter
<@navigator> what will it play on
<@navigator> wii u?
<Skeletonic> i know it's 3ds, might be wii u
<Jimbob> Which one of you has chosen the path... Of pain
<@navigator> i don't have a 3ds
<Skeletonic> you have elected the way of PAIN
<Illiterati> i heard in america you can buy whatever you want
<@navigator> wait, will the pods have every console and handheld built into them
<Illiterati> you will be awash in "stuff"
<@navigator> i'll try it if so
<Skeletonic> the pods can emulate any console through antiquity up to 1 p.p.
<Illiterati> i think the only good thing about america is the PC components are cheaper
<%CatAstrophe> if you ask me this country is too damn PC
<Skeletonic> illiterati, if you don't want to come to america just stall until Trump is president and all brown people are banned
<@navigator> will porn in P.P. times be CGI as well as normal movies
<Skeletonic> .tip CatAstrophe
<@dragonbot> Skeletonic: CatAstrophe now has 52 karma.
<VT> oh my god pod discussion is still going
<Illiterati> what is pod
<%Ryzhaya> don't ask
<Skeletonic> i'm glad you asked illiterati...
<%Ryzhaya> run
<Skeletonic> pod is the future
<@navigator> i guess old porn will suffice though
<%Ryzhaya> RUN YOU FOOL
<VT> .tag skeletonic
<@dragonbot> VT: tags for "skeletonic": uptight af, a dang bear, one ton, a nice 32 year old, Smash Mouth poser, star of Madea's Fan Club, robot date rapist, prohibition apologist, mewling brat, can't stump the trump
<Illiterati> i' m listening
<VT> we need to fill skel's tags with pod shit now
<VT> .tag skeletonic Podtastic
<@dragonbot> VT: removed "uptight af", added new tag.
<Jimbob> .tip catastrophe
<@dragonbot> Jimbob: catastrophe now has 53 karma.
<VT> i feel he's earned it
<Skeletonic> i should start a podcast
<Skeletonic> :D
<Illiterati> i still don't know what pod is
<%CatAstrophe> hisssssssssss
<%Ryzhaya> this kitten's got claws!
<@navigator> i should copy/paste the pod discussion into a thread for the enlightenment of all
<Skeletonic> what if instead you didn't do that
<Illiterati> yes please
<VT> in like 10 years time, when skel is still doing his pod podcasts
<VT> it'll be the new Timecuber
<VT> time cube#
<VT> he'll have developed some super elaborate shit
<@navigator> why not skel
<VT> it's some of your finest work, skel
<%Ryzhaya> nav loves the pods
<Illiterati> pod it up bros
<%CatAstrophe> do it! do it! do it!
<VT> so skeletonic
<VT> Mars pods or Snickers
<%Ryzhaya> .tag navigator pod enthusiast
<@dragonbot> Ryzhaya: removed "nerd capitalist", added new tag.
<@navigator> skel showed me the light and it was glorious


I have edited out the parts of the discussion not related to pods, for pods are the only thing that matters now.

<Skeletonic> nav is very important to me
<SuperCalvin> So as I was saying, navigator is handsome
sex fucker

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« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2016, 04:41 am »

i believe in pod

8====D~~~~~~~~~~(( |
Literally 15


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« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2016, 10:04 am »

i know just the guys to compose all p.p. tunes


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« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2016, 09:08 pm »

Glory to Future Corp

Praise the Pod

Richard "Dick" "The Dickman" Dongman, professional dong-man

That's what she said.

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« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2016, 02:09 pm »

in pod we trust

<Skeletonic> nav is very important to me
<SuperCalvin> So as I was saying, navigator is handsome
Still Owes Me Five Bucks

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« Reply #5 on: February 02, 2016, 03:12 pm »

Can I get a pod with both a hole and a pole?

That was not the bear I was expecting in a gay blowjob.
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