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Author Topic: Let's FUDGE Together  (Read 29153 times)
SteelFan714
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« Reply #360 on: August 09, 2016, 01:26 pm »

“Don’t you know who we are?” Roll asks. “We’re only Lizard Mount’s hottest musical theatre troupe.”

“A theatre troupe? And what does a big lass like that do in a theater troupe?”

“Security,” Roll says.

“I’m very good at my job,” Helen adds.

“Small world, but we’re a troupe too, and always looking for more security if they’ve got the right skills and tools. Might I have a look at your sword?”

“You might not,” Helen says, her grip tightening.

The man is nearly upon Roll and company, with two friends not far behind smiling and waving cheerfully. Suddenly Roll steps forward from the group and begins to sing.


My name is Roll, and I’m here to say,
Just exactly who we are in a rhyming way,
My best friend Marsh is the magic man,
And my knight pal Helen has a deadly hand,
My good girl Barkface is a real dope dog,
And your boy Fizzbeefy has the magic hog!

Roll pulls out his penis and punctuates the song with the puppetry performance of a lifetime. The man begins to weep, and he turns to his two friends as they near.

“Did… did you see?” he asks.

“It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced,” the larger of the two newcomers says.

“The twist,” the third man adds. “The turns!”

“And don’t forget the surprise ending!”

The first man lets out a whistle, then calls off into the woods.

“Paul! Get out here,” he shouts. “It would be a crime to do harm to artists such as these.”

The fourth man emerges from the trees off to the group’s right, a large bow in his hand.

“My name is Mark,” the first man says. “Anything we can do to help you lot, you name it.”
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Johnny Roastbeef
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« Reply #361 on: August 10, 2016, 06:28 am »

All for provisions and directions home.
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Because freshness is expected of any hip-hop artist, I avoid using traditional techniques.
SteelFan714
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« Reply #362 on: August 10, 2016, 08:42 am »

They provide a few days rations and show where you are on the map. The capital lies about a day north. Lizard's Mound is roughly 2 days south. He also warns you that there is a group of bandits who ambush travelers a few miles north of your home, and their leader is "a total dickhole."



Here are a bunch of rolls I've stored up (and accidentally shared before realizing you guys might also not see Roll's errors and deleting them) about Roll's fun with map reading:

Notable Rolls
- Roll fails to identify they are at the wrong ruins (Terrible intelligence required, Nonexistent Knowledge, +0 Roll (-1, 1, -1; 0), -2 hubris of being the hero, Sub-nonexistent roll; Positive they are at the correct ruins)
- Roll fails to correctly read the map on the (incorrect) assumption you are at the correct ruins, and sends the group further off course
- Roll rolled a +2 for a Superb howl to scare off the Kobolds
- Helen botched (X, -, -, -; -3) and randomly hit Marsh
- Roll failed another chance to learn he was in the wrong place at the fork
- Roll fails to identify there are no longer four bandits approaching on the road
- Roll kills it with his song and dance (Beginners Luck, +3, +2, -1; +5; )[/li][/list]

Also worth noting the one time he correctly did navigate it was because he didn't try to use skill to pass the (very easy) map-making goals, but instead simply chose to be lazy and avoid having to walk to trees and the way the map was drawn that happened to be the correct way.
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Johnny Roastbeef
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« Reply #363 on: August 10, 2016, 10:38 am »

The left fork obviously has more trees.
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Because freshness is expected of any hip-hop artist, I avoid using traditional techniques.
Johnny Roastbeef
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« Reply #364 on: August 18, 2016, 08:27 am »

Since nobody else is chiming in, is anybody hurt at this point, since by not buttchugging the potion, Roll was actually healed?

If not, I propose we head south toward Lizard mount with a plan to stop at the ruins that are right along the road.
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Because freshness is expected of any hip-hop artist, I avoid using traditional techniques.
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