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Author Topic: Going to live in the United States of AmeriKKKa. Need help.  (Read 11284 times)
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« on: May 05, 2014, 04:09 pm »

So here is the story: my wife is a nurse and applied for a job in the USA, and her visa is going to be processed and approved very soon (probably within the year or early next year at the latest). Her employer is in Michigan so we are going to be moving there, but we are still not sure which city.

Now, if I'm going to be living in america then the only real tip I need is "kill yourself now" or "burn america to the ground". However, since my wife hates it when I am dead and america is too large to burn by myself, I will need some advice from you US people on how to survive in america. I have a few questions to start with:

1. I hear Michigan is a shitty place (like the rest of your cesspit country), but what is the least shitty place to live in? Specifically, some place that has some tolerance for brown people stealing the white man's jerb..

2. I am an uneducated, useless piece of garbage with zero skills or charisma. What soul crushing work can I find in america so I can at least afford to keep buying alcohol to numb the pain of being in america.

3. Who among you live in the state and are willing to hang out?

4. Where the white women at??

5. What are the chances that I will get shot by some random person merely exercising his second amendment right?

I may have more questions further on, as more information comes in about the exact place we'll be moving to. I appreciate any and all help you can provide me.
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« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2014, 04:31 pm »

I'm in Michigan with my family, and we'll probably still be here in 2 or 3 years. We went through all that when we moved here two years ago from Mexico. Send me a PM here or let's meet up on IRC if you want to chat.
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« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2014, 04:35 pm »

1. Michigan is pretty shitty, but there are cool places in Michigan. Detroit gets a pretty bad rap, but is actually turning out to be a not so shitty place. Michigan is pretty cold, too. The people are like snowfall amounts, so the further north you travel in the state the whiter it gets. If you're up in Traverse City, people might stare and take occasional photos.

For my money, Grand Rapids and Kalamazoo are pretty great places.

2. You'll fit in with a lot of the other denizens of Michigan. There are some tech startups in Detroit (trying to reimagine itself from the despotic automobile wasteland industry of the 1930s on), and there are a lot of cool bars and breweries in Southwest Michigan. So there's that. There's also Mackinac Island way up north. I don't know about now, but like 10 years ago they wouldn't allow cars up there on their tourist-sanctuary island, so everyone rode horses or bikes. Maybe you can be a coachman for a carriage or something.

3. I'm from Indiana, right on the Michigan border, but I live in Boston now. I visit Indiana and have a lot of friends in the Kalamazoo area, but don't go up there often because it is Michigan.

4. White women all up in the Upper Peninsula (or the U.P., or, god, I hate it when people call it this, but the place where all the Yoopers are. That's what they call themselves. It is horrible.)

5. Stay away from Benton Harbor, Michigan, and your probability of getting shot will drop exponentially. There's race riots and shit in that little town. It is crazy. Actually, I guess you could try and be a hired gun or something and start some sort of Benton Harbor revolution, if you'd like?

Good luck on the move and congrats to your wife! You guys could have done a lot worse than Michigan.

EDIT: Man, Demha is probably going to be so much more useful than me
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« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2014, 04:39 pm »

Kalamazoo is heaven on earth, it's just incredible. Also, it's a pretty diverse college town, so being brownish hasn't been much of an issue.

Stay the hell away from Ypsilanti, Benton Harbor, and a few other places though.

I have encountered some racism from traffic cops and the like around some parts of Michigan (for example, Marshall), but never in Kalamazoo.

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« Reply #4 on: May 05, 2014, 05:02 pm »

4. White women all up in the Upper Peninsula (or the U.P., or, god, I hate it when people call it this, but the place where all the Yoopers are. That's what they call themselves. It is horrible.)

Keep in mind most those women are all fat, toothless, racist, meth addicts though.
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« Reply #5 on: May 05, 2014, 05:05 pm »

So the ones who he's after.
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« Reply #6 on: May 05, 2014, 05:10 pm »

Grand Rapids to Lansing is all pretty okay.  Detroit isn't as bad as the news makes you think.

Oh, like Rex said, stay away from Benton Harbor.  Add St. Joseph to that list, too.
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« Reply #7 on: May 05, 2014, 05:12 pm »

I'm not sure where your wife is going to work or who for, but I know that Kalamazoo has three big hospitals and they're opening up a teaching hospital for Western Michigan University next year, so there's plenty of health-industry work in this part of the state.

If it is around here, it's just an amazing place. You have nothing to worry about.
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« Reply #8 on: May 05, 2014, 05:35 pm »

Thanks for all the responses! Demha, I'll send you a PM once we know which city we'll be moving to, but so far you've all been very helpful. I love u guise

Anyway, my wife won't be working at a hospital, it's more home care or whatever it's called. She will go to the patient's home and care for them or whatever, and blah who cares. It might also be a rehabilitation facility; we're still not 100% on where she will be assigned. I just hope it will be somewhere not too cold or white. I've also heard Mid-Boss say Kalamazoo is an ok place, so it would be great if we could live there.
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« Reply #9 on: May 05, 2014, 05:43 pm »

Now we just gotta find you a job. Can you sell drugs?
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« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2014, 05:46 pm »

Dude I've won awards for selling drugs.
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« Reply #11 on: May 05, 2014, 05:48 pm »

Good! Michigan needs pharmacists, you'll just need your certification.
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« Reply #12 on: May 05, 2014, 06:53 pm »

Come live with me in Kentucky.
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« Reply #13 on: May 05, 2014, 07:11 pm »

Come drink with EFHRK and I in Chicago sometime!
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« Reply #14 on: May 05, 2014, 07:25 pm »

Grand Rapids to Lansing is all pretty okay.  Detroit isn't as bad as the news makes you think.

Oh, like Rex said, stay away from Benton Harbor.  Add St. Joseph to that list, too.


I second Grand Rapids, I have a good friend who is a teacher at a school there, it is a good place to live, I visited once. It was cold!

You will probably freeze to death and die of ice poisoning, so be prepared for that.
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« Reply #15 on: May 05, 2014, 07:45 pm »

If you come to southern california we can smoke drugs and surf gnarly waves
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« Reply #16 on: May 06, 2014, 10:56 am »

My wife and I believe it may be Kalamazoo, since the other nurse acquaintances of hers that got hired by the same employer were assigned there. I certainly hope it is true, because based on what people have been saying Kalamazoo is the modern-day Xanadu of the western world. However at this point it is too soon to tell.

Anyway, how far is Chicago from there? And is Chicago the truly the violent, crime-ridden gangland that television has led me to believe (Chiraq, etc)?
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« Reply #17 on: May 06, 2014, 11:43 am »

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXFpryM_c9w" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXFpryM_c9w</a>
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« Reply #18 on: May 06, 2014, 11:46 am »

It's pretty close, only 2.5 hours drive, and it's in a good Amtrak area so you can go by train too, so weekend trips wouldn't be out of the question. You'd be looking at like $35 per person by train, and that might be easier if you're just going to be visiting Chicago people as you might not need a car.

Chicago is not bad everywhere, and it's probably not anything as bad as TV has led you to believe, but there are bad areas there. The real bad areas there's no reason you should be going there unless you know someone that lives there though, so if there's some kind of thing you're planning on doing you actually should be fine, or if you're visiting someone then they probably can tell you what is up with specific areas.
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« Reply #19 on: May 06, 2014, 11:58 am »

I'm glad you're moving away from the earthquakes!
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