DUCK BATTLES

[RummyLu]

A.K.A STUPID SHIT YOU HAVE DONE IN THE NAME OF EXERCISE.`

About 6 months ago I made a decision to get stronger and healthier. I took up boxing and weights and so far it's been working out wonderfully, I've lost weight, am healthier and most importantly I am much happier over all.

Today however was One Of Those Days. My boxing trainer, in his sadomasochistic way decided we would all DUCK BATTLE for 30 minutes. If you've never duck battled before (I'm jealous) you squat  right down on your haunches and wrestle another poor bastard who looks like he's taking a dump in a forest. The first person who loses their balance, falls or has a kneecap explode is the loser.

After about 20 minutes of this I had an epiphany, and without a shred of irony said out loud for the first time in my life, "I am too old for this shit." As I lay there on the floor, having lost my billionth duck battle I thought to myself, "I could be lying in bed eating chocolate croissants and reading the internet right now."

So what I'm wondering is, I can't be the only one, what stupid things have you done in your efforts to be an ubermensch?

[HyperGlavin]

None. I spend all my time reading the internet and eating chocolate croissants in bed.

[RummyLu]

Just leave some for the rest of us Fatty Fatty Boombalatty.

[Illiterati]

Hey that term is offensive.

[Citizen Snips]

One time I did too many bicep curls and my arms were stuck in the T-Rex position for a week. Going shopping was difficult because I could only buy things that were at arm level.

[RummyLu]

Ah yes, Matthew McConaughey Syndrome, a cruel affliction.

[Lukeington]

i'm a little sore because i did a squat with 400lbs on it instead of the usual 390.

[EFHRK]

I have just recently started working out. I just do some cardio for about 30-40 minutes. It's the most physical activity I've gotten since the 5th grade. It's a scientific anomaly I still weigh less than 150.

Anyway, I think I pushed it a little too hard the first day when I ran for about 30 straight minutes. When I was taking off my pants to get in the shower, my thighs exploded and I fell over in the bathroom with my pants around my ankles.

[Not A Spatula]

Hey no offense if you already knew this, but since you're training on your own and don't have much previous experience I'm gonna mention that it's really important to cool down and stretch after a long run. And when you overtrain it helps speed your recovery if you take a contrast shower (where you keep switching between hot and cold water), or an ice bath (but fuck ice baths because seriously goddamn).

[EFHRK]

Yeah I was informed of a lot of this stuff when I told my cross country friend this story and his response was "You are fucking terrible at being in shape." And then told me how to do it right.

I thought it was just run a lot until the fat falls off.

[RummyLu]

How did you manage to not vomit everywhere? Maybe that is your super power.

Fun fact: The Roman bench is my own personal vomit machine unless I'm really careful.

[EFHRK]

I'm surprisingly immune to vomit. I think the last time I vomited was back in the summer of 2009 when I got punched in the balls a little too hard.

I just get filled with overwhelming pain in my atrophied muscles and regret in my mind for leaving the safe comfort of my bedroom.

[RummyLu]

Is there ever a ball punching that is "just right?"

[EFHRK]

If you're into that shit I guess.

[Danny G]

Once I decided to leg press something like 500lbs after not being in the gym in a very long time.  I was fine until the next morning.  I wasn't able to walk down the stairs from my apartment, and had to call into work.  It took something like a week to get to where I could walk up and down the stairs at a normal pace.  Embarrassing.

[thermus aquaticus]

I joined the god damn Marines and my left knee was sore for two and a half years. It's mostly better now.

[HyperGlavin]

How many ducks did you battle?

[Benny B]

My knee was kinda sore last night, even after stretching, but I pushed myself to run 2 miles without stopping, and now walking up or down stairs feels like kneeling on knives.

[RummyLu]

... I'm still stuck back at Danny leg pressing the equivalent of a grizzly bear. What the hell?

There's a very very very old and withered man at my gym who looks like Rip Van Winkle, he leg curls about 40 kilos more than me, it's vaguely humiliating getting on the machine after him.

[Danny G]

It was a terrible plan, Rummy.