Our heroine awakes the next day to the sounds of that damn bard downstairs still wailing away. What has it been, like 7 hours of this shit? Still, Miss Skyrim is well rested.
After heading downstairs she buys herself breakfast. The healthiest thing on the menu.
What kind of name is Corpulus anyway?
Right, time to blow this joint and get some fresh air.
John spent last night deep in thought. Jaree-Ra had been looking for a scapegoat dumb enough to take out that lighthouse and sink a ship so he and his sister could walk away with all the spoils. Considering that she had already taken out his body of operations it would probably be in the best interests of the public to destroy the head too.
But how to do that? By playing along and pretending to be said scapegoat of course.
"I put out the lighthouse fire (you slimy reptilian piece of shit)"
Naturally, Jaree-Ra asks Skrim to go investigate a ship that had run aground to the North.
On the way she stops by a small seemingly abandoned camp site...
And cooks up some fondue. Cheese, sugar and ale? Haha, John Skyrim is so fat.
She also flicks through a book resting on a crate that gives her a couple of pointers on pick pocketing NOT THAT SHE WOULD NEED IT BECAUSE STRONG REGUARD WOMEN CAN SUPPORT THEMSELVES.
Your soul is mine! Damn dragons, always keeping the man down.
She takes his bones and a nice bow.
A few minutes walk on and the ship comes into view.
Looks like the Icerunner is overrun by bandits.
Let us see how they like this fine new bow of ours.
Seems the marauders got the jump on the Imperials guarding this ship.
Deeja is a swift opponent. Swift on foot, swift with a knife and swift to fall before Skrim's axe.
The Broken Oar, ey? Sounds mighty familiar.
The rest of the ship yields nothing but tragedy...
The Grotto isn't very far and even quicker with instantaneous travel.
A short trip along the now bloodied and silent walkway leads right to a very unhappy Jaree-Ra.
Skyrim raises her trusty Whiterun axe aaaaaand...
...brutal vigilantism completed in one swing.
(Don't let Miss Skyrim catch you admiring the view)-Some time later, back in Solitude-
What is this? More spam mail?
"A friend" huh? So, what? All I need to do to unlock this mysterious power is give you my credit card number and BSB? Yeah, maybe later.
Solitude has treated our Heroine well. After all the help we've been dishing out for practically nothing at the very least there seems to be some respect growing amongst the population. But screw staying at that stinkin' Winking Skeever any more. We need somewhere more permanent.
Solitude, I wish to buy a hous--
Whiterun, I wish to buy a house.
Home, sweet home.
What a dump.
At least the bedroom is alright. John dumps a whole bunch of excess items in the bedside chest.
Woah! Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my room!? Bitch, you better have a good reason.
Oh, that's right. Lydia was assigned to us after we became Thane of Whiterun. But seriously Lydia, stay out of our room. In fact...
John decides to head over to the local mead hall to relax and put her feet up. What are you looking at, Nord? This Redguard don't need no man.
Hold on a second... who was that?
Saadia asks John to come upstairs where the skank promptly pulls a knife on her.
Fortunately for Saadia, John remains calm. She tells us her real name is Iman and is a nobel from Hammerfel. Skyrim agrees to help her (in exchange for some coin, of course) and is told that to find these men we will first need to talk to a prisoner being held in the Whiterun gaol.
The prisoner refuses to tell us where to go until we pay his bail.
Skyrim begrudgingly does so and we are told to head to a cave out to the North-West of Whiterun where these alleged assassins are apparently located.-After an uneventful walk to the cave-
John chops, arrows and burns her way through the narrow passages, along an underground river and a waterfall where she is called upon to put away her weapon by a Redguard man with a deep voice.
Kematu claims he and his 6 armed companions simply wish to capture Saadia and bring her back to Hammerfel to be put on trial.
Unfortunately for Kematu,
I better get mate's rates at this tavern from now on.-The Next Day-
With nothing better to do, John decides to set out to see if this "mysterious power" her "friend" in the letter told her about holds any weight.
The weather is crappy and monsters keep spriggan
up out of nowhere.
Here we go.
Well, this looks important and/or valuable. But it also appears to be on a pressure plate.
Let's just replace it with this object of equal weight and--
So much for Indiana Jones logic.
Who and what is that?
Oh. They vanished.
The mysterious blue man appears again. Who is this guy?
You're not fooling anyone dude.
John snaps a bunch of lockpicks to unlock an expertly locked door inside of which is a master locked chest. Ten or so picks more later and Skyrim gets her hands on some great treasure.
Finally John corners the blue man who it would seem is none other than the ghost of King Olaf.
Perhaps someone at the Bard's College
would be interested in that book.
Olaf opens the magically sealed door revealing a great hall seating many draugrs.
Olaf fights like a boss alongside John and together they crush every sorry son of a bitch in the room. Why do the only decent men always turn out to be either taken or dead?
With that completed, Olaf's spirit is released and John is free to learn a new word of power.
It seems everything is coming up Skyrim. What further adventures await our brave heroine? Be sure to tune in again soon for another epic instalment of--